It’s no secret in life that I’m single, and I didn’t think I could become more single than I always have been.
But apparently there’s an even more single status that I have officially reached.
I haven’t been in California too long, so I obviously am still making friends and meeting people. I’ve made a handful of friends, one of whom I think is going to be one of those solid forever friends you always hope to find. (Her name is Kerry, and she is also a huge fan of the Christy Miller Series, so I knew she was a keeper from the start.) In fact, I only met her a week ago but already had to sleep one night at her and her husband’s home because of the wretched apartment situation I was dealing with at the time. (I will not be discussing this topic any further, but I moved Saturday to a new complex and am in a much better situation.)
I went out dancing Saturday night with Kerry and some of her friends, and I love a good dance floor. We went to a country place—not quite like being in a Texas country bar, but it brought a little bit of home here—so there was a lot of line dancing and two-stepping going on. Naturally, I only thrived on the “free dance” songs when I could do my own thing (major thanks to Leo the DJ for playing my request for TayTay’s “Shake It Off”) because structure and organized dance simply aren’t my thing.
There’s one slight issue with going to such a place full of couples out on the dance floor: It’s a terrible reminder that you don’t have someone’s feet you can accidentally step on when you’re messing up what should be an easy two-step jaunt.
I looked out on the dance floor, and I couldn’t help but feel a little sad. I’ve had so much going on in life lately that I’ve tried not to think about certain heartaches or anything of the sort, but sometimes when you try to avoid something for so long, it comes flooding back to you all at once in a powerful way. Even if you leave a place or people somewhere else, your heart still goes with you every step you take—and sometimes it will remind you of what you don’t want to be reminded of in a moment when you really don’t want to be reminded of it.
Were there guys there who struck my fancy? Meh. Sure. But they were busy dancing with other girls (and ones who actually knew how to two-step and not make it look like they were attempting to put together complicated pieces of IKEA furniture with only little pictures to help them through the assemblies.) I had to give myself a little pep talk to remind myself that it’s perfectly fine that none of those guys were interested in me and that not many have been in the past. Maybe there’s a guy out there who will like my style of dancing and pick me out of everyone else in the world. Maybe there’s not. Either way, I’ll be OK.
I wasn’t trying to feel sorry for myself that night, and that’s not my goal now, either. But it’s tough sometimes, and I know there are people out there who have gone through or are going through some of the same things. It’s not always easy to see the people around you creating these beautiful lives and memories with the people they picked and who picked them back out of everyone else in the world. Sure, you’re happy for them, but it also makes you feel a little left behind and alone at times, even though you know you’re not alone at all.
Regardless of whether or not my love story ever actually happens or if I stay single forever, I know I have to keep dancing my dance and believing that God has designed a plan for my life that only He could create and carry out. We’re all so different in so many ways, and we all have different stories and paths to take—and that’s how it should be. It’s not always easy to remember that in the moment, but we were never promised that life would always be easy and not filled with hardships and a little bit of pain every now and then. But if you can get through those tough times and let yourself have hope for better things to come, you’ll realize that you’re stronger than you ever knew, and your value and worth aren’t found in other people or where you are or what job you have.
And whether you’re single, married, divorced, widowed, happy, sad, hopeful, discouraged, strong, weak, in love, heartbroken, confident, scared, or a number of other things, love will always be there for you—because we’re capable of showing love to anyone in any walk of life.
And love will make you forget those moments when you were on the two-stepping sidelines.