I’m really glad we have such a wide variety of emojis to choose from when words won’t suffice.
Because there sure are an array of emotions to feel.
Lately I haven’t felt like the most positive person in the world, and I really don’t like to be negative. I don’t try to view everything in a Pollyanna way, but I generally try to find good things about the situations I face.
But sometimes it’s way more difficult than I’d like.
It all started because of a guy (of course). It’s no secret in my life that this area has always been a struggle for me, and it continues to be so. And I don’t like that. I’m not trying to pull the “feel sorry for me” card here, but the guys I’m interested in usually don’t return my feelings. That’s just reality. I thought this one might be different, but now I’m not so sure. I’ve been feeling more and more jilted lately, and it’s given me a really pessimistic attitude. Why doesn’t he like me?
Then there’s the whole not feeling smart thing. A lot of people at my work are smart. Like really smart. And sometimes they make me feel really stupid. By no means are they intentionally doing this, but I just don’t understand some of the things they are saying. I haven’t mastered the jargon or concepts of everything in the financial services world yet, and it’s frustrating. I’m used to feeling intelligent, and I just don’t sometimes. This has also caused me to have a sour attitude. Why can’t I be smarter?
And then there’s running. This has been a really big mental battle for me lately. I had a sprained MCL earlier this year and basically didn’t run for all of January. Since I started running again, it’s been an up-and-down training journey. Some days my knee bothers me still, and I have to hit the elliptical or do something else. Other days it’s just fine. But I haven’t been able to train at the level I’d like, and I recently ran a race that proved that I am nowhere near where I want to be. Plus, I was in the hospital last week, so I don’t think that helped the situation much, either. I had a really bad attitude after the race and said what I usually say after a disappointing race: “I’m retiring.” (It never actually happens, though.) Why can’t I be faster?
I’ve always been my biggest critic, and it’s been worse than usual lately, and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that sometimes I just don’t feel like I’m enough. I know this isn’t true because I know I have a God who loves me more than any person ever can, and that’s really all I need, but it’s easier to say that than make it an evident truth in my life. I’m usually a pretty confident person, so I hate the thoughts of I’m not pretty enough, I’m not smart enough, or I’m not fast enough—fill in the blanks with any adjective.
But enough is enough.
I always taught my students to be sure of who they are and to do everything in life confidently—and that should include feeling like you’re enough. If a guy doesn’t like me, that’s fine. If I don’t master every subject ever, it’s alright. If I don’t win every single time I step on the starting line, the world will not come to an abrupt end.
Because I’m still loved, and I can still love. And love is enough.
We are all going to have times in our lives when things are difficult and cause us to be harder on ourselves than we should. And that’s OK. But the important thing is not to let those struggles keep us down. There are so many reasons to celebrate and enjoy what’s around us rather than focus on those things that cause our hearts to hurt a little or a lot.
You are valued. You are loved. And you matter.
And that’s true forever and always—just like the unicorn emoji.
